From Why Self-Love

Dear Why Self-Love,

The confusion is real for most of us. In a culture that values martyrdom above personal growth, we’ve been told, modeled and taught that sacrificing ourselves in the name of codependency and people pleasing is what we should be doing. It’s practically the expectation in our society today. We’ve got it all wrong, Why Self-Love, and here’s why – you can’t give to others what you can’t give to yourself. 

A story, if I may. Once upon a time there was a young girl named Jessica. Jessica grew up in a household where self-love and self-care were never modeled, much less discussed. She could feel the resentment and depletion born from martyrdom and codependency in her home, but couldn’t understand where it was coming from at her early age, so she took it on as her own.

Fast forward 30 years and Jessica is now a married mom of two and going on a business trip. She, too, feels depleted and resentful as she makes her way through the airport toward her gate. Realizing she forgot a book she wanders into an airport bookstore and comes face-to-face with a book with a title about self-love – something she’s vaguely heard about but never understood. While Jessica prefers to stay away from the self-help book genre she finds herself buying this book, then reading it on the plane with tears flowing down her cheeks.

And here, Why Self-Love, is where the rubber meets the road in our story. Where Jessica realizes that there is nothing more to do with the martyrdom she has inherited and carried for all these years but put it down. Where she realizes that she has a choice, everyday, about how to live her one precious life. And she can choose to love herself first and best. Because in doing so, her cup fills instead of drains. And with time and practice her cup starts to spill over once it is full. Then the self-love she chooses to give herself each day eventually flows out to other people’s cups, too.

I saw this the other day and it really rang true to me: Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself. Think like you love yourself. Feel like you love yourself. This is truly what we all should be doing. Your life can and should start with love for yourself. It won’t hurt to try, I can promise you that. Endeavor to love yourself full, and then look at the world through eyes full of love. The view is so worth it.

xo,

MELI