Dear MELI,
I recently heard the saying, “If it’s happening, it’s necessary.”
I’m having a hard time reconciling that with some of the horrible things that happen in the world and in my life. Please help me understand.
Yours,
Broken
Dear Broken,
One night, long ago, I was on spring break with my friends. We had driven down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and were four college-aged girls enjoying the excitement and craziness of the experience. I remember we had gone out to see a band play and had a fun late night out. By the time we made it back to our hotel room it was the early hours of March 16th, the Ides of March.
The phone call that came into our hotel in the early hours of that morning would change my life forever. My Dad called to tell me that my older brother had died in a car accident. I spent the better part of the next decade trying to reconcile the event that shattered my world as I knew it at that moment, Broken. And make no mistake that some things that happen in this world do in fact just break your heart into pieces that can never be put back together the same way again.
Was that tragic event necessary in my life, Broken, because it happened? Was it necessary in my brother’s life, because it happened? That now decades later I have lived a longer life since after he passed away then he did in his entire life? Necessary is a hard word for me to untangle in this sense. I have a hard time looking at this from a fatalistic standpoint because some things people have to face in life simply aren’t fair.
However, if I step back from looking at the painful moments in my and others lives as punishments I can choose to reframe the pain. All pain brings with it a lesson. Any lesson can bring with it growth, if you let it. And I do believe that growth is necessary for each of us, Broken.
I share this life story with you to say that when I heard the saying “If it’s happening, it’s necessary” something in me said, “yes, that is true”. There are some things in this world that are completely outside of our control. That is the hard truth of being human and the reality that we all live with every morning we open our eyes to greet another day. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, Broken. But rather than looking at today with fear, I choose to see it for the gift that it is. That is the lesson that I learned from my brother’s passing all those years ago.
Today I have the ability to appreciate and be grateful for the blessings in my life. Today I have the ability to live my life with hope and optimism for the future. Today I have the ability to set new and interesting goals. Everyday I have the ability to live my life as if today is my last day, because it might be.
I have the ability to embrace the challenging and the beautiful seasons of my life as necessary and needed growth that I myself have called forth. In this sense, I reframe my challenges as a gift, and my responses and reactions as being within my control. And that, Broken, means that because it’s happening in my life, I can accept that it’s necessary for me. I can choose to turn my face to the sun and see the gift of growth in that, even through the challenge.
xo,
MELI